chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
