Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
