I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She even gives head with a lisp.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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