Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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