She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think people are normalizing furries
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