dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
