Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
