Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
