So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
