dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
