Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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