did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
