distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
