Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
