Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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