tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
