She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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