I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize