he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
