Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize