Michael Bay diarrhea
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize