i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
