You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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