look no pants
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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