I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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