i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
