It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
