Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
