I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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