I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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