i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
