I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
