you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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