is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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