I wish I could teleport
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
