i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
