Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
