You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
