your thong is hanging out like whoa
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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