I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
