Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
