Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
did you just send me my own nude
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
