Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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