is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
