I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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