The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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