she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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