Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize