Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
