I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
