3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
