It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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