guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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