I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
