I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
