you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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