weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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