I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
