Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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