omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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