hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
