My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
