its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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