Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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