i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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